Marriage Jokes.

Wife three qualities

When a bachelor marries, his wife has three qualities she is aneconomist in the kitchen, an aristocrat in the living room and a devil in bed. After a few years, sure enough the three qualities remain, but not in the same order she is an aristocrat in the kitchen, a devil in the living room and an economist in bed.

Anniversary

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go on our anniversary?"
She said, "Somewhere I have never been!"
I told her, "How about the kitchen?"

Shut up

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!

Three children

A couple had three children. Two of them were bright, smart, and handsome but the third child was dull, ugly, and backward.

One day the hubby got suspicious and asked, "Tell me the truth, dear.
Is this third child really mine?"

"Yes, dear," replied the wife, "but the other two are not."

Silent Treatment

A husband and his wife were having problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

The man realized he would have to be woken up at 5:00AM by his wife the next morning, which means he would have to break the silent treatment (and LOSE).

So he decided to write a note to her, and put it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning he woke up to find out it is 9:00AM, he missed his flight!

He started getting up, just to find a note beside his bed that said "Its 5:00AM, you have to get up!"

What is a marriage..????

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

Marriage is grand and divorce is about 10 grand.

Socrates "Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence.

Computer Jokes

Did You Hear About.....

Did you hear about the woman who was married to a succession of three Microsoft employees and still died a virgin?

Her first husband was in Training, and kept teaching her how to do it herself.

The second was in Sales, and kept telling her how good it was going to be.

And the third was in Tech Support, and kept saying ''Don't worry, it'll be up any minute now....''

If Microsoft Built Cars......

1. A particular model year of car wouldn't be available until after that year instead of before it.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would just die for no reason, and you'd have to restart it. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this.

4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought a Car 95 or a Car NT. But then you'd have to buy more seats.

5. Sun Motorsystems would make a car that was powered by the sun, twice as reliable, and five times as fast - but it would only run on 5 percent of the roads.

6. The oil, engine, gas, and alternator warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.

7. People would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other cars for years.

8. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft gas.

9. The U.S. government would be GETTING subsidies from an automaker, instead of giving them.

10. New seats would force everyone to have the same-size butt.

Computer Programmer.........

A high ranking hardware engineer, a software engineer, and their manager are taking a walk outdoors when they come upon a brass lamp. They pick it up and dust it off, and ooof, out pops a genie.

"Thank you for releasing me from my prison. I will now grant you 3 wishes in return. Since there are 3 of you I will grant one wish to each of you."

The hardware engineer thinks a moment and says, "I'd like to be sailing a yacht across the Pacific, racing before the wind, with an all-girl crew."

"It is done", said the Genie, and poof, the hardware engineer disappears.

The software engineer thinks a moment and says, "I'd like to be riding my Harley with a gang of beautiful women throughout the American Southwest."

"It is done", said the Genie, and poof, the software engineer disappears.

The program manager looks at where the other two had been standing and rubs his chin in thought. Then he tells the Genie, "I'd like those two back in the office after lunch."