Computer Jokes

Did You Hear About.....

Did you hear about the woman who was married to a succession of three Microsoft employees and still died a virgin?

Her first husband was in Training, and kept teaching her how to do it herself.

The second was in Sales, and kept telling her how good it was going to be.

And the third was in Tech Support, and kept saying ''Don't worry, it'll be up any minute now....''

If Microsoft Built Cars......

1. A particular model year of car wouldn't be available until after that year instead of before it.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would just die for no reason, and you'd have to restart it. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this.

4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought a Car 95 or a Car NT. But then you'd have to buy more seats.

5. Sun Motorsystems would make a car that was powered by the sun, twice as reliable, and five times as fast - but it would only run on 5 percent of the roads.

6. The oil, engine, gas, and alternator warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.

7. People would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other cars for years.

8. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft gas.

9. The U.S. government would be GETTING subsidies from an automaker, instead of giving them.

10. New seats would force everyone to have the same-size butt.

Computer Programmer.........

A high ranking hardware engineer, a software engineer, and their manager are taking a walk outdoors when they come upon a brass lamp. They pick it up and dust it off, and ooof, out pops a genie.

"Thank you for releasing me from my prison. I will now grant you 3 wishes in return. Since there are 3 of you I will grant one wish to each of you."

The hardware engineer thinks a moment and says, "I'd like to be sailing a yacht across the Pacific, racing before the wind, with an all-girl crew."

"It is done", said the Genie, and poof, the hardware engineer disappears.

The software engineer thinks a moment and says, "I'd like to be riding my Harley with a gang of beautiful women throughout the American Southwest."

"It is done", said the Genie, and poof, the software engineer disappears.

The program manager looks at where the other two had been standing and rubs his chin in thought. Then he tells the Genie, "I'd like those two back in the office after lunch."